Happy Merdeka! Seriously... Happy?

Happy Independence Day to Malaysia! But I'm not happy right now... I'm dying of over working on my assignments. And it's 1.o1 a.m. now. I'm really tired but I can't complain.
It's been a long time since I felt alive. I felt like a living dead judst doing what was told and trying to finish my work in time. I crave freedom now! Just like our Independence day... T_T One more week to be fully free from the hell of workloads. But there's still holiday assignments. Bah!

It's sickening to think about college life. My other friends seem to be enjoying life although they do struggle sometimes. Just SOMETIMES. Anyway it's been some time since I've posted up some pictures. Here's one for today!

Flag of Malaysia.

Yes I know! It's lame! But what do you expect for independence day? Of course a symbol of our own country right? =) This image was taken from somewhere random. Don't sue me for plagiarism please! I'm sick of that word!!! ARGH!!!

Time to sleep now. I'm going to Emelyn's house early in the morning to finish up our work. See?! We're even working on a holiday! Sad student life we got here... Anyway have a nice day ahead and hope everyone in Malaysia is enjoying their holiday now.

Lost Memory - Corpse Bride

I suddenly recalled this stop-motion animation by Tim Burton I watched back when I was 15 years old. It is quite a lovely animation, but some may find it boring because of the storyline. For me, it was ok.

Here's what it looks like for those of you who have not seen it before:

Corpse Bride poster.

Information about the animation can be found here.

Now, I'm not trying to promote this animation, but to share two lovely piano music which were played in some parts of the animation. I found them in Youtube. =)

Duet version.

Victor's solo version.

I had the mp3 for both piano musics. Yeah I missed the old times. Kind of wanted to watch this animation again, although I've quite forgotten how the story goes. I just remember that it was touching yet sad.

Well then, I have better things to do now. Enjoy the videos and have a nice day ahead~

Update About My Negativism

Recently I've been being very negative in thoughts. I would like to update more about myself, still being in that state. I am about to cure, so don't worry too much about me. (I bet no one's worrying either) Here's the story for today~

I've been absent for class today. I am feeling unwell, and therefore decided to use the day to charge up my energy and passion to continue the other classes. I practically did nothing today. I felt useles... Anyhow I did a good deed today! And I could say that I'm quite proud of myself. =D

I downloaded a few soundtracks and read some online comics in the afternoon. Then slacked the whole evening off. Yes, I know I did nothing good yet. But the night... I did help out with homework! =D It was William's younger brother, who requested me to help him out with maths homework, which I suck a lot at it. Anyhow, I decided to give it a try at solving those questions.

He said there were only like five questions, but ended up asking more and more. I am proud of myself as I managed to solve three or four questions on my own! FEAR ME! XD My maths have gotten all rusty now. There are some questions which I can't solve though. I sought help from William and VV. Now, they managed to help with one or two questions there. Glad I did helped out. But there was one particular question where all three of us can't solve. And... That reminded me of something really negative.

"All three minds can't think of a solution?" This sentence cam across my mind and kept repeating and echoing in my brain. Damn! Well, this is an inside joke. Not so much of a joke, but a very annoying message. Only some of my classmates knew about this. =_= Let me tell you why...

This sentence was modified from a sentence quoted from my lecturer via his e-mail. It goes "All four minds can't think of a solution?" Just changing the number there. Haha... Yes, he replied that in an email recently when we sought help from him because we were out of ideas. It was a group assignment involving four in a group. It was such an insulting sentence. I hate that.

If we knew about a solution, we wouldn't seek help from you duh?! What's e-mail for? We were asked to e-mail our questions if we had a problem, so why say something so insulting? We are not genius or super intelligent people like Albert Einstein you know. We are here to learn. So why reply us so? Are we really that brainless? Maybe you might not think so while writing that reply. Or did you? I don't know.

It left negative thoughts in us, or at least me. It's not motivating, nor was it encouraging. It left us feeling like a piece of shit. I know that the industry will be much harsher or cruel, but we're learning here. We're not working yet! Train us slowly ok? Our brains are not super computers. We need time to think, while time is precious and not to be wasted too much. Why are all these happening anyway?

Well, enough of those. I've been feeling weird ever since. And to reduce my negativism, I'll just calm myself and relax a little more before I go to bed. Have a nice day ahead people~

The 'Meh Meh' Post

Today was such a great day. I had fun with Emelyn, arashi and William as they came over and did assignments together. A little company in the weekends once in a while is entertaining. =) Well, I would prefer if I get to see them everyday! Hahahahaha...

So what's up with today's 'Meh Meh' post? I did it as requested by Emelyn. Check her out here. It's basically about... SHEEPS! XD Sheeps goes "Meh~ Meh~" right? =_= Ok it's lame let's cut this... But it's the truth that a sheep's call goes like that!

Well, for your information, this is one of the many Manglish terms used by many locals here. Others include 'Lo', 'Wei', 'La' and so on. These terms are usually put at the ending of sentences. We discussed about this because most of us had been affected by these terms. In class, we have this virus spreading which forces us to say 'Meh' for most sentences we say. Therefore, it's just like a joke post today.

Also, it's to highlight that although we have these supreme and unique Manglish terms, we shouldn't overuse it. Sometimes people find it fun, but sometimes vice versa. Foreigners might not be able to understand these, so we have to speak in proper English during the times in need.

I'm not being offensive towards anyone or to our language. I just find it funny but sometimes it's improper to use it all the time. Sometimes it's just difficult to understand what someone is saying when using those terms. I'll not go up to the extent of saying that these terms are annoying, because most of us are born speaking and listening to these terms at a young age.

Anyway this is just something random I'd like to talk about. No offense ok? My mood was way better than yesterday, so I'd try to cheer up and talk crap with them today. Of course we did our work while chatting. (we also ate a lot! O.o) Another thing is about the name of this post. XD Emelyn requested me to write it this way. So... Yeah. I'm just being crazy today. I wonder if she's writing about me in her blog... Hope not. ^^"

Time to stop here! I need to do some work for now. It's getting late. Have a great day ahead people~

Frustrated Day

This post today is very long, and it's just something I wrote to release my anger and stress. If you don't wanna read it, please don't proceed any further. Thank you.

I just hate my mom you know... I don't understand what's her problem. I always have problems with her, I don't know why. Maybe she isn't my real mother or such. I don't know.

The morning was already very bad after I woke up. Had my breakfast and got to work with my assignments. Then, the electricity was cut off for no reason at my housing area. I couldn't use the internet or even my laptop because it ran out of battery power. I was also feeling sick and dizzy, so I decided to take a nap.

Woke up in an hour but the electricity wasn't back on. Still can't do anything, I decided to rest in bed and think of some solutions to my assignments. Suddenly, it rained and gotten heavier with lightning and thunder. I just hate such a rainy day... After some time the electricity was back on, and I felt hungry after all the thinking while still dizzy. I went down and told my mom that I was hungry and she offered to cook some fish cocktails. I saw some lime juice in the fridge so I asked mom if I could drink it. It has to go with the liquified sugar she just made earlier in the morning.

She said to go ahead so I made a glass for myelf. I poured a quarter of the lime juice and quarter of liquified sugar, then added water to make one glass. When I tasted it, it was sour and bitter. I told my mom and asked her to taste it, she went ahead and then scolded me straight. Said I never taste and such because the lime juice is concentrated and such...

I admit it was my fault for not tasting it while making the drink. But she don't have to say that I was stupid and all that very annoying and hurtful words. She was already preparing the cocktails in the toaster oven, when she suddenly scolded me to come over to prepare it myself. Still nagging, she watched me while I handle the cocktails.

I knew what to do with it. I'm not that stupid. Just because the outer layer of the cocktail was sticking to the base of the toaster oven while I wanted to flip it over and some of them were tore off, she nagged about me being stupid. Said that I don't know how to do simple cooking and such... And talked about how my younger is better than me in cooking, how smart he is and such... I can't help thinking that she's a bitch now.

So what if my brother was smarter than me? He had the time to do cooking. He even had time for playing games and leisure time or his own stuffs. Can't my mom think on my side? My daily routines now are just to prepare for class once I woke up, and rush home after class for dinner and a quick bath then continue my assignments? Sometimes I have to stay back in college for group assignments or discussions. Why Can't she understand I am busy too? If I had the time, there's so many things in my mind that I wanna try out. I wanna make pastries, cakes or simple food for survival. I might even want to clean my room once and for all. I don't really have the time to do it now. I'm quite a slow learner, it's not my fault for being like that. I need more time to digest information and even that kills. It would slow me down in my assignments and make things harder in life.

Why can't she think of what I have to go through? When I get home, all I see is her either watching the television or went to bed. How about me? I come home and the earliest I can sleep is maybe 2 a.m. you know... I chose this course because I am interested in it. I wanna work hard as not to be looked down by her. All she thinks is that I'm stupid and not able to do my work properly. When I give myself five minutes of break in between my assignment time, I play some mini games. And there she is coming in, and always at the time when I have my break, as if she knows I'm having my break at that particular time. Then she would nag about me being lazy, everytime she comes in and sees me playing games instead of work. Come on bastard! You're the one who hasn't seen what I've done when I was doing my assignments!

She and dad would always side my brother when we quarreled. What is their problem...? It's always my brother who started it. For your information, I do not talk to my brother unless it's something very urgent. He won't even be polite to call me "sister", "sis" or any forms of that, instead he called me "oi', "ei", "wei", or simply just comes into my room demanding me to do something for him without calling me. I do not care about what he calls me, but I sometimes do wonder if I really am a genuine daughter of this family...

Coming back to the story earlier when my mom nagged about me for not cooking properly. I have my ways of doing things. Not everyone has to do things according to your style. When the timer was already on 0, which I didn't notice, she suddenly just comes up to me and said that I was stupid enough to watch the cocktails in the toaster oven just like that when the timer was off. So I set the timer back to the maximum amount, which was 15 minutes, and she had to scold me again for that. I don't know what is wrong with setting it like that? If it's cooked before it reaches 0, then just off the main switch. As easy as that right? She just had to scold me. Saying I'm stupid and such... I'm useless. Knows nothing. Brainless. I wanted to tell her that it's not my fault for being this way because I was born from you. Meaning, she herself is stupid.

Dad bought dinner home. I wanted to avoid talking to either of them because I'm still very frustrated. Mom had to talk, making me answer her rudely. She can act as though nothing happened this afternoon, which pisses me off. Then she had to start it all over again, while dad asking me to get over it and eat. Damn... So everything is my fault now right? They don't even know how I feel or what I want. Just because nobody nags or scolds them now so they think that they can do it to their children, which is mostly on me. My brother had a far worse attitude if compared to me. Why can't they say anything about him? While I'm always the quiet one to avoid conflict, they just had to pick me as the victim.

I wanted to shift away or get out from home. They insist and won't allow me to live outside, saying it's dangerous out there. Sometimes being over protective kills, you know? There's many things where I should be experiencing are not experienced before, because of my parents being over protective. Somethings that I don't want to do are forced by them, while those that I wanted are not allowed. Yet, they say that I don't grow up. I haven't seen the world. I don't know this. I don't know that. Wow... This is just too... Fucking annoying. Sorry I had to use that word (because if you're a loyal reader, you would know that I had never used this term before in any existing posts) because I'm just very pissed off.

I have a limit too. They can't do what they like forever. They say I won't defend myself when I face danger. I admit I'm soft most of the times. But that is because I don't wanna get into trouble or conflict. I'm more of a peaceful person. I could go on shouting at people if I want to. I only do that in my heart. I don't wanna anger people, or cause them to dislike me. I know how people feel. I have a heart too. They also have a heart. They don't realise that even a scolding like this can hurt a person with weak mind or heart, which I have of both. One day I could easily go crazy. And if that happens, I can't be the one to be blamed.

Once in the past I did almost commited suicide because of my mom. Then that made my parents both depressed but they did nothing. None of them would ask why. Or what is it that I dislike about doing what was told? I didn't bother to tell them because they would never care in the first place. There's so many things I wanted to say, but I don't think they would ever think about it. So why bother wasting my time and effort? When I wanted to talk to my mom, she would listen but won't really give a damn after just few minutes.

I think it's time for me to stop here. This post can go on forever because of me being too frustrated at this moment. I'm very stressed and sick. Yet I have to go through all the scolding and nagging. I need time on my own. I'll stop writing now. Have a good day ahead people...